Main:Computers:Do Not Eat

Why not to eat computer hardware. Perhaps this was inspired by someone taking the 'Apple' brand name too literally.

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Loose apronyms:
Perfect Apronyms OnlyAll Apronyms
AIRPORT (2)Alimentary Intake's Restricted, Proffer One Roxio Toast! Tony
APPLE (4)All Plastic Parts Lack Edibility Tony McCoy O'Grady
APPLE (10)Are Processor's Parts Lacking Edibility? Tony
ASCIIAre Some Computer Ingredients Inedible? Tony, who doesn't think the American Standard Code for Information Interchange is edible.
Re-expansions of existing acronyms
ATXAching To Xtreme Jeff Anonymous
BYTE (2)Beware, Your Teeth Electrocuted! Angela Brett
CABLE (3)Chewing A Bit Lacks Excitement Tony
CABLE MODEMCan Anyone Bite Large Exterior? May Obviously Damage Entrails, Ma'am. Jeff Anonymous
CARDCat's Anus Really Damaged Jeff Anonymous, explaining what happens if your cat thinks your sound card smells like fish.
CARD (2) Can Actually Rupture Duodenum Jeff Anonymous and Angela Brett
CDCan't Digest Steve Keate (see DONGLE (3))
CD BURNERCannot Digest Bits Used Recording Next Electronic Retake Tony McCoy O'Grady
CD-RWCan Dislocate Rectal Walls Jeff Anonymous
Re-expansions of existing acronyms
CHEF (19)Computer Hardware Enters Food! Angela Brett
CHIPCan Hurt Intestines, Parts Jeff Anonymous
CHIPSCan't Have Intel Processors Salted Angela Brett and Tony
COMPUTER MAGAZINECauses Overeater Mouth Problems, Upset Tummy, Excruciating Rectal Movements And Gastritis - And Zero In Nutritional Elements. Tony McCoy O'Grady
COMPUTER MAGAZINE (2)Cook One's Manuals, Perhaps Until Tender, Ensures Roughage. Meals Are Generally Assumed Zero In Nutritional Effects Tony McCoy O'Grady
COOK (2)Cuisine Out Of Kilobytes! Angela Brett
CORDClogs Oesophagus, Really Dry Steve Keate (see DONGLE (3))
DELLDon't Eat Live Leads Tony McCoy O'Grady
DISCDoes Injure Someone's Colon Jeff Anonymous
DISKDigestus Interruptus - Slender Kilojoules. Steve Keate and Angela Brett (see DONGLE (3))
DONGLE (3)Devoid Of Nutrition, Gives Little Energy Steve Keate, who is thinking of creating a series of acronyms explaining why not to eat computer accessories.
DONGLE (4)Devoid Of Nutriments - Generally Lacks Edibility Tony
DVDDidn't Vomit -- Died! Steve Keate (see DONGLE (3))
EMOTICONEverybody Munching One Turns Irreversibly Cute, Often Nauseating Patricia Rix
HARD DRIVEHardly A Readily Digestible Diet... Rarely Is Vitamin Enriched. Angela Brett
HARDWAREHave A Real Dinner Without Any Raw Electronics Tony McCoy O'Grady
HEWLETT-PACKARD (2)Hey! - Everyone Who Likes Eating These Things - Parts Are Considered Kosher And Really Delicious Tony McCoy O'Grady
HUBHurts Ur Body Jeff Anonymous
IBOOK (8)It Blocks One's Oesophagus, Killing. Angela Brett and Steve Keate (see DONGLE (3))
IMAC (9)It Might Also Choke Steve Keate (see DONGLE (3))
I/O PORTInternal Organs Panicking Over Recycled Trash Dundee
IPOD (7)I'd Put One's Diapason Angela Brett, who assumes that eating an iPod would cause intestinal problems. (I have never heard the word diapason spoken, I hope it sounds similar enough to 'diapers on' to make this work.)
IPOD PHOTOIn Pictures Or Diapason, Person Has Obviously Taken Overdose Angela Brett
IPOD SHUFFLEIt Pains Our Digestive Systems Horribly. Unhealthy For Feeder's 'Low End' Angela Brett, on noticing that Apple's page on the new low-end iPod, the iPod Shuffle, bears the recommendation, 'Do not eat iPod shuffle.'
IPOD SHUFFLE (2)I Put One Down 'Sophagus & Hawked Up Foul & Foetid Liquid Emetically Tony (see IPOD SHUFFLE)
KEYBOARD (2)Keys Enter Your Bowel Only After Ruining Duodenum. Angela Brett and Steve Keate (see DONGLE (3))
KEYBOARD (3)Keep Eating Your Breakfast - Of ASCII-Related Dishes Tony
LARDWARELeft Alone, Rebelling Dieters Will Absorb Recyclable Electronics. Angela Brett, thinking that if computer parts really were edible, they might be called lardware.
MACADDICTMagazines Are Considered A Dainty Delicacy, If Chewed Thoughtfully Tony McCoy O'Grady
MANUALSMeals Are Not Usually A Literary Stew Tony McCoy O'Grady
MEMORY (2)Much Eaten - Makes One Retch Yuckily. Tony (Applications are often described as 'eating' memory)
MICMassive Intestinal Cramps Jeff Anonymous
MODEM (2)Much Of Diet's Evidently Malnourishing Tony
MOTHERBOARDMother Of Too-Hard Eating! Ridiculously Broad - Oesophagus Actually Ruptures Dangerously! Angela Brett
MOTHERBOARD (2)Make One's Teeth Hurt Eating Respected Bits Of Apple's R & D Tony McCoy O'Grady and Angela Brett
MOTHERBOARD (3)Makes One's Teeth Hurt, Eventually Removing Broken Ones, And Requiring Dentist. Steve Keate (using Angela's MOTH)
MOUSEMunch Onions Until Something Emits Dundee
NICNasty Internal Cuts Jeff Anonymous, explaining why not to eat a Network Interface Card
Re-expansions of existing acronyms
ON/OFF SWITCHOwners Need Occasional Forewarning For Shunning What Isn't To Cure Hunger. Tony McCoy O'Grady
PRINTERPitiful Rectum Injured. Never Try Epson Rolls! Jeff Anonymous
RAMRudely Affects Middle Jeff Anonymous, explaining that eating random access memory may cause stomach cramps.
Re-expansions of existing acronyms
SCREENSomewhat Coarse, Rarely Eaten. Explains Nausea. Steve Keate (see DONGLE (3))
SILICON CHIPSuggest It's Low In Calories? Objection - Not Considered High In Polyunsaturates! Tony McCoy O'Grady
SOFTWARE (2)Shatters One's Front Teeth With A Rare Ease Tony McCoy O'Grady
SPEAKERSSome People Eat Audio Kit, Ending Really Sick Angela Brett
THIS END UPTake Heed! If Swallowed Ensure Non-Digestion - Upchuck Promptly Tony McCoy O'Grady, to go with OTHER END UP*
UPSUgh, Pierced Stomach. Jeff Anonymous (UPS=Uninterruptable Power Supply)
Re-expansions of existing acronyms
VCDVeins, Capillaries Damaged. Jeff Anonymous
Re-expansions of existing acronyms
WACOM TABLETWoeful Artist Consumed Overly Metallic Tool And Burst Lardful Extreme 'Tomach. Jeff Anonymous
WEBCAMWoefully Explodes Bowels... 'Cause Actually Metal. Jeff Anonymous
WIRELESS (3)Weight Is Restricted Easily, Light-Eating's So Simple Angela Brett (many people eat light in order to keep their weight down, but eating wireless transmissions is taking that a bit too literally)