New recipe spam, now with herbs

[Angela]

I have deleted the spam thread about herbs, as it gained another spam post (I would have deleted it earlier but I found the response of the office gopher amusing.) However, there's no reason why we can't be inspired by spam. How about apronymising some herbs?

Our Rogues Grow A New Investment Crop, Harvesting Each Reader's Balance

The original poster gave a list of ideas for us to expand:

green tea
Alfalfa
Asparagus Root
Astragalus
Billberry
Black Coosh
Black Tea
Bupleurum
Celandine
Cordyceps
Citrus Aurantinum
Dahurian Rhododendron
Dandelion
Dongquai
Echinacea
Elderberry
Epimedium
Eyebright
Fo Ti
Garlic
Gentian Root
Giant Knotweed
Ginger
Ginkgo Biloba Leaf
Ginseng
Golden Seal
Golden Rod
Gotu Kola
Grape Seed
Grape Skin
Green Tea Catechins
Guarana
Gynostemma Extract
Hawthorn Berry
Hawthorn Leaves
Hibiscus Flower
Hops Flower
Horse Chest Nut
Horsetail
Jasmine Tea
Kava Kava
Kudzu Root
Licorice Extract
Mahuang Extract
Maitake Mushroom
Milk Thistle
Nettle Leaf/Root
Notoginsemg
Ooling Tea
Pine Bark Extract
Red Clover
Red Yeast Rice
Reishi Mushroom
Rhodiola
Royal Jelly Powder
Schisandra
Senna Leaf
Shitake Mushroom
Siberian Ginseng
Soy Bean
St. John's Wort
Stevia
Tribulus Fruit
Valerian Root
Vitex(Chasteberry)
White Willow Bark
Wild Yam

Most were originally listed as 'extracts' if you need another word to play with.

How about having a go at some of those? I won't just yet because I'm supposed to be working, but I will later. Pseudoscience and FUD welcome!

[Tony]

Angela wrote:
> Pseudoscience and FUD welcome!

FUD? I can't find that at the nyms website - care to expand?
Faulty & Utterly Disgusting?

GINGER
Good In Nosh, Generates Extra Radiance.

BASIL
Bequeath's A Salad Its Lushness

THYME
This Herb You Must Eat

[Angela]

FUD is not an apronym, just Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt (a common technique in advertising.)

I've heard ST JOHN'S WORT is supposed to be good for depression:

Supposed To Jolt Our Happiness; No Salesman/Scientist Would Openly Refute This.

Choose the S word based on your scepticism level.

I don't know what WILD YAM is supposed to do, perhaps extend lifespan?

Will I Live Double Years Appearing Mortesque?

(if Mortesque isn't a word, it should be! Otherwise, I suppose Morbid would do)

[Tony]

SENNA LEAF
I don't know if Senna Leaf has similar properties to Senna Pod, and I can't be arsed finding out.

Sh*t Erupts Near Nasty Asshole, Laxative Effects Are Famous

SOY BEAN
Source Of Your Butter Excludes Animal Nutrients


DANDELION
Dilute As Necessary & Drink. Emit Liquids Intensely Over Nighttime
(Dandelion is known as "piss-the-bed" because of it's diuretic properties.)

GARLIC
Good At Repulsing Lovers, If Chewed.

Ginseng
Generally Its Nice, Sexually Enhances Naughty Geriatrics

[Tony]

Angela wrote:
> Horsetail

Hairs Of Rather Splendid Equine - Tasty And Incredibly Long

(Yeah, I know it's a plant and not an actual horse's tail)

[Tony]

Angela wrote:

> Wild Yam
Wonderful In Large Doses You'll Agree, Milady

> Alfalfa
A Little For Arthritis - Limbs Freely Active

> Celandine
Certain Extracts Lighten A Nervous Digestion - It's Notedly Effective

> Guarana
Gets Users Active - Regarded As Natural Aphrodisiac

> Milk Thistle
Medicinal In Liver & Kidney Treatments, Harried Individuals Should Take Liquid Extracts

[tony]

Angela wrote:

> Rhodiola
Recommended Herb Often Diagnosed In Occasional Lung Afflictions

> Stevia
Sweetener That's Effective, Variously Identified (as) Azucaca

> Schisandra
Supposedly Can Help Irritable Stomachs And Nervous Digestions - Reliably Affective

[Tony]

Angela wrote:

> Cordyceps
Claims Of Reducing (Drastically) Your Cholesterol & Enhancing Pulmonary System

> Echinacea
Extremely Common Herb - It's Noted Against Colds & (is) Effective Antioxidant

> Epimedium
Enhances Potency In Males - Extends 'Duration' In Underperforming Men
:-)

[Tony]

Angela wrote:

> Asparagus Root

Assist's Secreting Pee, Aids Removal After Gastrically Unwise Surfeit

Am I the only one playing this game anymore?

[Angela]

Oops, I forgot it was my 'turn' to expand some...

ALFALFA
A Little For Appetite, Lots For Anaemia/Autoimmunotoxicity

Appetite is just one of the many A-words on the all-encompassing lists of what alfalfa might possibly improve. Apparently there is one documented case of alfalfa overdose which resulted in mild anaemia and leucopenia.

ASPARAGUS ROOT

Antibiotic Saponins Protect Against Rheumatism And Generate Urine, So Run On Overdrive -- Toiletward!

I'm not too happy with the 'On Overdrive' I want something like 'limberly' or 'effortlessly'

Black Coosh -- this seems to be a misspelling of BLACK COHOSH

Buttercup-Like, And Clinicians/Companies Know Compound Offers Hope Of Stimulating Hormones

[Tony]

Angela wrote:

> leucopenia.
Speaking as a man, that sounds nasty!  :-)

[Angela]

An easy one:

FO TI
For One's Tea Infusion (I assume it's an accident that the name could be pronounced as a non-rhotic 'for tea' but apparently fo ti is used as a tea.)

Flogged On The Internet

Finest Of Traditional Infusions

FO TI ROOT
Fear Of Technology? Ingest Remedy Of Older Times!

[Tony]

Angela wrote:

> Horse Chest Nut

Normally Horse Chestnut
Hemorrhoids Of Robust Soreness Eased. Chronic Hairveins Evidently Succumb To Nature's Usual Treatment

Licorice
Liver Infections Cleared - Oriental Records Indicate Clear Evidence

[Tony]

Angela wrote:

> Jasmine Tea
Just A Small 'Mount Is Needed Everyday To Enjoy/Appreciate

[Angela]

Celandine

The first page I found on this one makes a mistake which seems to be most common in advertisements for 'alternative' remedies... listing desirable qualities and ailments mixed together without saying which it enhances and which it cures. For instance 'impotence, kidneys, improved memory, cancer, and general well-being'. Can I just have the improved memory and well-being, please, or do I have to take the cancer and impotence along with it?

Anyway, back on topic, Celandine is supposedly composed of the elements Earth and Air (well, at least it's non-flammable, since it doesn't contain phlogiston) and its 'actions' are:

Enhances many aspects of communication;
For self expression;
Receiving inspiration or higher thought;
For communication blocks and misunderstandings

I'm not sure how it can enhance communication blocks and misunderstandings at the same time as enhancing my communication and self-expression... or is it supposed to eliminate them all? Perhaps it is to make one express onesself so much that other people can't get a word in.

Perhaps whoever wrote that blurb had too much or too little celandine.

CELANDINE
Claimed Enhancer Lists Antithetical Notions... Does It Not Enhance?